Domestic Violence in the NFL and Other Sports: Who's Fault is it Really, and What Can We Do to Prevent It?

As a newly appointed boys soccer coach, I feel a responsibility to take a day to discuss a very serious issue.  Recently it seems we cannot go a week without hearing about a high-profile athlete committing an act of domestic violence.  Although the attention is centered around the NFL, it should not be forgotten Oscar Pistorius, an Olympic Runner, has also been found guilty of killing his girlfriend.  It seems a lot of blame has been laid upon the National Football League, but as we can see, this problem transcends sports.  So who do we blame, and more importantly, how do we put a stop to it?

I think there is only one person to blame, and that is the athlete himself.  It might be in the best interest of the various sports leagues to have a domestic violence awareness program or to have very harsh penalties for domestic violence, but it is up to the individual to know right from wrong.  It is up to the athlete to know he cannot, under any circumstance, hit a woman or child.  It is called personal responsibility. Athletes need to stop blaming society, or violent tendencies encouraged by a sport or parents or whoever happens to be a convenient target.  They need to step up and say, "I am an adult with an adult job and adult responsibilities and I am going to conduct myself as such."  

Now the more important question, in my opinion, is how do we stop this trend of athletes committing acts of domestic violence?  Ultimately, unfortunately, we can probably never put a complete stop to it.  Even in the most honorable professions there are always a few bad actors who slip through.  However, I think coaches have a golden opportunity to prevent it from becoming worse and even reduce the number of incidents for future generations by holding athletes accountable for their actions at an early age and impressing upon them domestic violence is unacceptable under any circumstance.

I have seen great coaches do dumb things in the name of "giving a kid a second chance" or to"avoid ruining his career."  If a boy commits a petty crime or breaks the rules he must be punished appropriately.  If a coach makes the problem "go away" all he is telling this boy is that as long as he performs on the playing field someone will clean up his messes.  Today it is underage drinking or vandalizing a neighbor's house, tomorrow it is burglary, and so on.  As he moves up the ranks in his sport the crimes get more severe and still nothing happens outside a slap on the wrist.  Coaches must stop protecting these boys and do for them what is in their best interest long term: hold them accountable for their actions today so they hold themselves accountable tomorrow.

For many boys their coach is the only positive male role model in their lives.  And even if there are other role models, athletes are conditioned to listen to their coach's message, often times even if they conflict with messages at home.  Coaches need to use this power to send the right message.  I have already taken time during practice to explain the dangers and sheer stupidity of an athlete using drugs or alcohol.  I used one of my most powerful tools: I told the boys the quickest way to lose my respect is to use drugs or alcohol, and there is no place for someone like that on my team.  You should have sat in on that meeting.  I had their complete and undivided attention.  Might one of those kids still screw up?  Yep, he might.  But the expectation and the consequences have been made clear.  Domestic violence is next on the agenda.

I cannot ever foresee a day when we end domestic violence in the sporting world or anywhere else, for that matter.  Some people just do bad things.  But that should not keep us from trying.  Coaches need to use their influence and act early to impress upon boys there are consequences for actions and domestic violence is totally unacceptable. Today's responsible boys build tomorrow's great men. 

Tom Dueber is the owner of Canyon Personal Training and Fitness, a boys soccer coach at Longmont High School, Longmont, Colorado, and an expert at making fitness fun, which it will be again next week, we promise!