Skip the Coffee and Eat My Shorts

I bet you have been thinking, if only there were a way to combine the convenience of wearing stylish undergarments with the power of high-octane coffee.  Well ladies, your wait is over!  I present to you, and I swear I am not making this up, caffeinated underwear!  According to an article at designtrend.com there is not one, but TWO companies selling these miracles of modern science.

Norm Thompson Outfitters is known, according to their website, as "the escape from the ordinary."  They sell a wide variety of women's apparel and accessories including "The Slimming Body Shaper."

This may look like an ordinary piece of apparel but it is most definitely the escape from ordinary.  According to the website this seemingly innocent piece of clothing is "infused with natural ingredients (caffeine and botanicals)." and is good for up to 30 washings.  The natural question is WHY??  So in an effort to inform you, the consumer, I contacted the company via live chat and asked that exact same questions.

Their response was, get ready, they DON'T KNOW.  Okay, that is not totally accurate.  They do know the "botanicals" are supposed to hydrate the wearer's body.  They also know the caffeine is supposed to "mobilize and decrease fat cells."  The all-important part, the part they do not seem to have an answer for is how this works.  I asked if perhaps the caffeine was absorbed somehow through the skin.  The answer, "Yes."  Well yes, that does clear things up.  Click here for the actual transcript.

The next question that presents itself is: How has the beer industry not jumped all over this?!  How do we not have Anheuser-Busch Briefs?  or Coors Light Longjohns?   Just THINK about the possibilities!

"Tired of paying those outrageous beer prices at the ball game?  Don't want the boss to smell alcohol on your breath?  Introducing Bud Light Boxers!  That's right, just slip them on in the morning and you get a steady stream of quality beer delivered directly to your bloodstream all day long!  No more long lines at the concession stands.  Keep a steady buzz all day long without unnecessary trips to the restroom.  Try Bud Light Boxers today!"

Look, the bottom line is, they do not work.  In fact, the manufacturers just lost a fairly pricey law-suit.   One of our "Member Bill of Rights" at Cayon Personal Training is "Even though you may not like all the answers to your questions, the answers will be honest."  In other words, there is no magic underwear which will mobilize fat.  The only way to mobilize fat is to mobilize you!

More questions you would like actual honest answers to?  Contact tom@canyonptandf.com and leave the caffeine to the coffee.